When I was eighteen years old, I felt something was missing but I did not pay it attention for a long time. Well in 2006, I finally figure it out I need a chance. I was doing thing I was not proud of and even one of them made me grandmother feel bad for me. My great uncles and my grandfather on my mom’s side was preacher.

In 2006, I was talking to Laura one night about my grandmother, how I wish I could do more for her. That night I did not know Jesus I have heard people talking about Him and my grandmother try to help me but I did not listen for a while. Bill Abernathy was standing on the other side where I did not see him now and he heard what I had said. Well couple of months later I was talking to Laura and her parents about what I decide to do. One of her parents said that I should talked to Mack, so on December 16th 2006 after the Christmas play Me and Mack went to his office. I started telling about why I want to change and what my grandmother meant to me. I was asking him what version of the Bible should I get, he got up so I keep talking to him. When I look up, he gave me the NIV that I still use.

Fast forward, to May 2007 my grandmother went to be with the Lord. I said over her grave that I would see her one day.
November 11th 2007 I was baptized at Dunwoody Baptist Church. Now I got Laura to start to read again.
I have learned so much already but I know I am just starting on this journey. Every day I am learning something new.

As the years went on my life continously starting changing. In 8th grade my best friend was killed and that was the start of it. From then on I was into drugs, alcohol and anything that would make life seem easier. But as those years continued to roll on and roll on it never got easier, I ended up in more debt with less true friends, and just a crappy life. By the age of 17 I was into cocaine, and heavy alcohol. So I wanted to change so I went and joined the Army. The Army helped me keep clean from the drugs but the alcohol was a completely different story.

Two years went by and I was serving in Afghanistan getting ready to come home and be free again I guess you could say. I turned 20 yrs old over there, and when I came home I was turning 21 and was spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars on alcohol. I had no control of my life. I finally hit rock bottom and there was no where else to turn but to go up. Finally on Nov 18 I gave my life to the Lord, while watching the movie Letters to God. Automatically my life was changed and all I could do was cry and pray and cry and pray.

I then started living for God and was hugely blessed with the most amazing and blessed friends I’ve ever had.

Living a Christian life has been the greatest adventure I could ever have and I can’t wait to see what else God has in store for me in my life. I am chasing God and loving him everybit of the way. Give God control of your life and see what he can do for you, I am God loving Christian by choice and I wouldn’t have it any other way. God Bless you all

1 Samuel 18;3-Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own life.

1 Samuel 20;14-16-While I am still alive you shall not only show me the loving- kindness of the Lord, so that i die not, but also you shall not cut off your kindness from my house forever-no, not even when the Lord has cut off every enemy of David from the face of the earth. So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying. And the Lord will require that this covenant be kept at the hands of Davids enemies.

As he looked for Jonathan’s sake. God looks for people He can be kind to for jesus sake. God is merciful and kind. He is constantly extending His kindness towards us, but we must be willing to accept it.

David’s covenant relationship with Jonathan included all of Jonathan’s children. I believe Mephibosheth never exercised his covenant rights because of the negative way he felt about himself. Many of Gods children do the sme thing. They shrink back from God in fear rather than approaching Himd boldly. They feel badly about themselves; they look at everrything that is wrong with them insead of looking at Jesus and the righteousness He offers through faith in Himd. Mephibosheth axtually refeered to himself as a “dead dog”. He had a porr self-image  and although David would have helped him at any time had he only asked. he never asked because he felt unworthy.

We can all learn a good lesson from Mephibosheth. God’s goodnes and mercy, and His willingness to help us, are not based on our perfection, but on our covenant with His Son, Jesus. When we are ‘in Christ” we are included in that covenant and can go boldly to the throne and recive mercy and help in plenty of time to meet all of our needs. Even though Mephibosheth was lame in both feet he ultimately received the mercy David offered and ate at he King’s table

2Samuel 9;13-So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem, for he ate continually at the kings table, he was lame in both feet.

We do not have to talk God into being good to us. He is good; and He is Looking for someone to bless for Jesus sake. Make a decision to start receiving what you do not deserve and have not earned. As you do, you will be living in God’s aweseom grace, which is freely available to all who will receive it.

2Samael 9:8 -And bowed himself and said, What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I Am?

He did not think very well of himself. Instead of seeing himself as the rightful heir of Jonathan ( King David’s covenant friend), he saw hinself as someone who would be rejected. If this where not true, he would have already gone to the palace long before to claim his inheritance.

A poor self-image causes us to operate in fear instead of faith. We look at what is wrong with us instead of what is right with Jesus. He has taken our wrongness and given us His righteousness

2 Corinthians 5:21-For our sake He made Christ to be sin, Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him we might become the righteousness of God.

We need to walk in the reality of that truth.

When I saw that Mephibosheth thought of himself as a dead dog,” I realized that i also had a dead-dog image that was hindering me from being all I could be and having all I could have in life. I started changing my attitude toward myself. It took time and a lot of help from the Holy Spirit and dear Brother in christ. But I determined that I would not live below the blessed life Jesus had provided for me.

Gods Word says that because of His covenant with you, you can be the “head and not the tail”… above only, and you shall not be beneath”.

Deuteronomy 28:13- And the Lord shall make you the head, and not the tail; and you shall be above only, and you shall not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you this day and are watchful to do them.

I am sure that. like me, you have been the tail long enough, its is time to take a stand and start receiving your rightful inheritance.

David blessed Mephibosheth. He gave him servants and provided for all of his needs. The story ends by saying that Mephibosheth dwelled in Jerusalem and ate at the King’s table, even though ” he was lame in both feet.”

2 Samual 9:13-So Mephibosheth Dwelt in Jerusalem, for he ate continually at the kings table, he was lame in both feet.

I absolutely love the end of the story! I relate Mephibosheth’s lameness to our own weaknesses. We may also fellowship and eat with our King, Jesus-even though we have faults and weaknesses. We still have a covenant with God, sealed and ratified in the blood of Jesus Christ. A blood covenant was, and still is, one of the strongest agreements that can be made between two parties.

In covenant, we offer God what we have, and He gives us what He has. He takes all of our sins, faults, weaknesses, and failures, and gives us His ability, His righteousness, and His strength, He takes our poverty and gives us His riches, He takes our diseases and sicknesses and gives us His healing and health. He takes our messed up, failure-filled pasts and gives us the hope of bright futures; In garment”

Isaiah 64:6-For we have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteousness  is like filthy rags or a polluted garment; we all fade like a leaf and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.

But in Christ we have a future. We are in covenant with Almighty God. what an awesonme truth!

I would like to take the time to thank a dear friend, someone I call brother, for all the help and christian support, i dedicate this  devotion to you Josh!

Leviticus 20;6- The person who turns to those who have familiar spirits and to wizards, playing the harlot after them, I will set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.

Multitudes of people consult the stars before making decisions, even for things as simple as when to cut their hair. However, a study of Gods Word shows clearly that these things are an abomination to God. Even wearing and depending on “good-luck charms” is an affront to God. Our faith must be in God alone, not God plus a lot of other things. Those of us who believe in Jesus Christ do not need to depend on luck; we can trust God that He will bless us.

It is wrong to seek guidance for our lives through any means but God Himself, His Word, or A godly friend or counserlor that God approves of. He is offended when we look to these other sources, and when we do, we will not have the peaceful, joy-filled, and prosperous lives He intended for us.

If you have been involved in seeking guidance through mediums, spirit guides, horoscopes, or any other occult activity, I strongly encourage you to thoroughly repent, ask God to forgive you, and completely turn away from it, Then I encourage you to keep your heart pure and be careful wht you read, watch, and listen to.

Just as you connot effectively listen to two radio stations at once, neither can you serve two masters

Luke 16;13- No servant is able to serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stand by and be devoted to the one and despise the other, you cannot serve God and mammon.

You may have to choose ne friends if they are filling you with things contrary to the Word of God, You may have to change television stations at home and choose new radio stations to listen to while you are riding in your car to prevent filling yourself with things not pleasing to God. Do not poison your inner man by being a garbage dump for the devil. Pay attention: if negative, ungodly take is filling the air around you, change your listening habits, Also, make sure negative, ungoldy talk does not come out of your own mouth for yourself and others to hear.

Jesus said, “Blessed… are the pure in heart, for they shall see God!”(Matthew 5:8). If you have a pure heart, you will enjoy having clarity of mind YOu will perceive clearly God’s plan for your life, and you will not feel aimless or confused. To keep your heart pure before the Lord, turn away from the things that defile you. Live a pure, clean life that flows like pure, clean water because God alone is your source.

If we are like that, how much more is God like that? We human beings do a halfway decent job of hiding our true feelings from people, but we cannot hide our hearts from God. We may as well start being honest about the way we feel and start doing things out of a willing heart- or at least start praying for God to give us a willing heart- so we can do them for the right reason.

Sometimes we may have to pray, “Lord, make me willing to be willing.” And sometimes we may have to pray,”Lord, make me willing to be willing to be willing- because I dont even really feel that I want to be willing at all!”

God examines our heart attitudes, and whatever we do for Him needs to be done willingly. I particularly like

1Chronicles 29;9 – “Then the people rejoiced because these had given willingly, for with a whole and blameless heart they had offered freely to the Lord. King David also rejoiced greatly”

because it emphasizes that God really delights in those who give to Him willingly, joyfully, and cheerfully. He does not take pleasure in those who give legalistically or under compulsion.

There are times when we obey God even though it is difficult for us, but we still do it because we Him and want to please Him. In those cases I still see us as willing. We are willing to go beyond our own fleshly feelings about a particular thing and honor God anyway. Even if you have to ask God to make you willing, be willing- and be one in whom God delights!

Christ has the biggest willing heart and we ask christians are suppose to practice daily to be christ like, I pray that we all will be willing vessel Christ can use willingly!

Many of us think that when we enter into our Promised Land we will have no more spiritual battles. Not so! After the Israelites crossed the Jordan river and went in to possess the land of promise, they fought one battle after another. But as they learned to fight in God’s strength and under His direction, they won their battles.

If you know God has asked you to do something. do not back down just because it gets hard. When things get tough, spend more time with Him, lean more on Him and receive more grace from him. Realize that grace comes at no cost to you; grace is the power of God working in you and through you to do those things you cannot do. As you face challenges in your life, beware of thoughts that say, I cant do this; its just too hard. Do not let your mind give up! Satan knows that if he can defeat you in your mind, he can defeat you in your experience. That is why it is so important not to lose heart and not to grow weary or faint. You can be sure that wherever God leads you, He is able to keep you. He never will allow more to come on you than you can bear (see corinthians 10:13). You do not have to live in a constant struggle if you learn to continually lean on Him for the strength you need.

“He refreshes and restores my life righteousness for His name’s sake”.

The soul is comprised of the mind, the will, and the emotions.

With our souls, we process our circumtance, we entertain our thought, we feel and express emotion, and we make decisions.What a wonderful promise- that God will restore our souls! The word restore means ” to bring back into existence or use” or “to being back to an original state or condition. ” The word is often used in a situation when a dethroned ruller is put back on his throne. Restore also means “to make restitution, to cause to return, or to refresh.”

When David says God will restore our souls and our lives, I believe he means that God will return us to the state or condition we were in before we erred from following the good plan God had predestined for us before our birth, or before Satan attacked us to draw us out God’s plan for our lives.

We can take confidence that God will lead us in the path of righteousnes, uprightnes, and right standing with Him. I believe David is saying here that God individually leads each of us in the path that is right for us, a path that restores us in every way to the good place God has for us.

God has a path predestined for your restoration. If you will alloq Him to do sso , He will guide you by His Holy Spirit along the unique way that leads to restoration and to being able to fulfill the great purposes He has for your life.

At a young age I didn’t understand why my father didn’t love me the way my mother did. I would go many months sometimes years without asking about my father. I was reminded by my family and neighbor’s often, how my father wasn’t in my life but he had a big brick house with a pool in the back yard, as if to say I wasn’t living a good life as well. I enjoyed my child hood. But just like everyone else, we all go through things in our childhood, for example, my childhood consisted of mental abuse for being a plus size girl and a latch key kid. This caused my grandmother to step in and she become overly protective over me, watching and guarding my every move like a hawk. So needless to say, I lived a very sheltered life.

My mother worked very hard to try to make up for that missing parent, At a young age I didn’t understand why my mom worked all the time and when I seen her she was very irritable and tired.

One day my mother and I was shopping and I remembered seeing a man in the store and he dropped all of his items and ran out, when I looked up at my mother seeing her eyes filled with anger and disappointment she looked back at me and said that was your father. She never would speak down about him; she would only say that it was his lost not mine.
As I entered my teenage years with the adventures of Woodrow Wilson High School, I became friends with some kids from a town called Lanark “which is where my father lived with his wife and two daughters”. Many rumors started about me being the daughter of this man and many questions came with that. As usual I just brushed it off and kept reminding myself it was his lost.

My mother never married and I didn’t have many male role models, I didn’t know how a man was supposed to love a woman, or how to be a wife at all. I finally met a guy and the puppy love grew into a relationship. At the age 17 a senior in high school I found out that I was pregnant.

MY WORLD WENT TO A HALT! In my mind all my mother’s dreams of me going off to Howard University had been destroyed. What would she think, how would she react, and what would I do? So I slipped into a depression, I stopped going to school and began avoided my mother because I still lived with my grandmother. Until that day she confronted me and asked me what was wrong and why was I avoiding her. I confessed the most challenging thing I thought at that time I had to face. The look of disappointment from a mother is something you will never forget. “Seeing that my mother lived her life through me” I KNEW I HAD REALLY SCREWED THINGS UP! But my mother really surprised me, she wasn’t disappointed, angry, or scared, she supported me in every way thinkable.
Pregnant at the age of18 by my child’s father which was only 16 at the time, I begin to slowly learn that my child’s father and I were from two different worlds. My world was filled with love and support and his was filled with violence, alcoholism, neglect, and abuse.

In my heart I didn’t want history repeating its self, so I vowed that I would never let what happen to my mother happen to me. So at the age 19 after losing my grandmother (which was very hard) I moved in with my mother for the 1st time in life and we bumped heads. She refused to let me be a mother instead she took over. So I left and moved in with my boyfriend and his mother in North Carolina. My mother was very hurt and didn’t want to lose her granddaughter or me.
Sadly to say I was in for a rude awakening when I moved to NC. Being a 19 year old mother coming from a small town with your family surrounding you and now moving to the city with people you didn’t even know was overwhelming.
We finally got our own apartment across the street from his mothers. My boyfriend would go out every night and come home late and head straight for the shower when he came home. I opened the door one time and realized that he had been unfaithful and I questioned him. That’s where the 1st beating took place while he was choking me I tried to defend myself and he punched me in my face which shifted my nose, blacked my eyes, and busted my lip. The abuse continued emotionally, physically, and mentally. I felt trapped so I called my mother and I came back home to WV. Every time I left him he would follow me and convince me he wouldn’t do it again and I would give him another chance. This time he took me to Virginia and asked me to marry him.

At the age of 21 my daughter’s 19 year old father and I eloped while we both were still leaving with our parents. My mother was very disappointed and it seemed to despise my husband, I could understand it was because how he treated her daughter.

We shortly moved in with my mother (whichwas unbearable), but during that time I found out that my husband had two children on the way outside our marriage by different women. I was devastated and when I confronted him he choked me which lead us to separate. But again I accepted the apologies as he claimed they were lies, so I took him back. When my daughter was 2 my mother said my daughter came to her and said daddy shook my booty and so my mother became irate saying my husband was molesting our daughter. I was overwhelmed I couldn’t even think straight immediately he was kicked out the police were called and an investigation took place. The father told me that my mother was lying and she just hated him and after the police investigation and CPS stated that there was no proof I went back to him. Which put a huge rift between my mother and me but I always watched my daughter around him.

I can remember living in hotels until we were able to move in our own house. He was very jealous I couldn’t have friends or anything only him. Throughout the 16 year period that I was with my husband I had experienced the lowest point in my life. I had experienced abuse on all levels, sexual, physical, and mental. I didn’t want to live, I can remember one time I contemplated taking my insulin needle and putting air in my veins.
My prayers changed throughout the years. The 1st prayer was for God to make me the woman my husband would want, so he would love me. The 2nd prayer was that God make him the man that I desired. The 3rd prayer was make us the man and woman you want us to be. The final pray was God let your will be done and I will accept it, if he is not the man for me. During the course of time I had three children with my husband and he had 6 other children outside of our marriage. I allowed this man to strip me from everything.

I can remember my peak experience when God revealed to me that it was going to end badly either I walk away or one of us could die while the other in jail. I received threats from him if I left him. He said I was overweight and ugly, and that I was damaged goods because I had three kids and my tubes were tied, so no man would over want me.
I walked around in the wilderness for 16 years with this man asking God who had I wronged for the reason I was treated so badly and he revealed to me that I placed a man before him. I had wronged GOD. I prayed for God to take the unforgiveness out of my heart and release me from the demonic strong hold on my life. I continued this pray until one day my husband no longer had the same affect on me and I truly was free. I didn’t go back this time, I KNEW IT WAS FINALLY OVER!

I divorced my ex husband 7 years ago and through the process of me moving on with my life, he would continue to harass me and try to make me come back. One night he broke into my mother’s house with a crow bar and tried to fight me and my friend, my cousin had to step in and stopped him from attacking me. I had several domestic violence petitions against him but I wouldn’t follow through. But this time I followed through!
After he finally realized that I wasn’t going to cave in and come back to him, he didn’t try as hard but every now and then he would make attempt. As I moved on into another relationship without completely healing, I found myself picking the same type of man with the abusive personality. I vowed to God that I would not be mistreated or go back to where he had delivered me from, so I left that relationship. I had to find myself! Somehow I lost my identity by allowing a man to take full control and he had stripped me from everything.

I joined a church and gave my life back to GOD which rebuilt me and made me whole again. My daughter at the age of 16 came to me and said that her father had molested her from the age 7 to 9 and my world almost ended all over again. The God in me allowed me to deal with this on a spiritual level and not a worldly level. I knew that this had resurfaced because I was able to handle it and receive it. My daughter loves her father in spite of all his wrongs and didn’t press charges! But she asked that her younger sisters be protected.

I confronted him and he was irate threatened me and everything. Because of my walk with God, I was able to move on and I continually ask God to take any unforgiveness from me. I almost felt like I had to start all over but the healing process was much faster than the 1st time because I gave God the glory for delivering me from an abusive relationship.
My daughter at the age of 18 now, has also forgiven her father but they do not have a relationship and he doesn’t have a relationship with his youngest 2 daughters either. I offered supervised visitation but he refused.

God can heal the broken hearted and allow you to love again. On June 11, 2011 I will marry what I call my 1st husband!
Many don’t understand why I say that, But God does. My fiancé was my friend for 3 years before we began to date. He has showed me love that at times I couldn’t understand or even imagine. He loves me for me and we both put God 1st in our life. We are not perfect and we both have flaws but through God all things are possible. I speak to any woman that feels that she is not worthy of being loved, that has been abused mentally, physically, and spiritually.

When I made the final decision to leave abusive life, it wasn’t for me, it was for my children. They didn’t deserve to be punished for my selfishness desire not wanting to be alone and wanting them to have a father in their life. God has placed a man in my life now that loves my children and has accepted them as his own. I never knew a father’s love or a husband’s love. God has mended my relationship with my father and he truly has accepted me as his daughter. And God has given me a husband that loves me unconditionally. I praise God for my walk in life. I have learned many lessons in life.

The main lesson is to Put God 1st in all that you do and everything else will fall into place, I am happy to say God gave me the opportunity to go back to college and I now have two degrees and is currently working on my masters, I lift God up with countless praises for this. I pray also that this will help someone who is in an abusive relationship and give them the courage to stand up and say NO MORE!!!! By writing this testimony it has cleansed my heart and allowed me to pluck it out from the root and bury it in the sea for eternity. God Bless!!!

The devil wants us to blame God if we are not happy, He wants to create a rift between God and us so that we will lose our joy. In Malachi 3;13-15, we read about people who were angry with God and spoke harshly against Him. similarly, we may become angry with God and if so, then we need to take steps to get rid of that anger.

Sometimes we try to get things we want from God by imitating what we have seen others do. Then we get upset when He does not answer the way we think He should. But by copying others actions, we may be doing things God never told us to do. Do not be angry with God for not blessing something He did not tell you to do. And do not blame Him for the things the devil has brought into your life.

This may sound odd to you, but if you are angry with God, you need to “forgive’ Him. God does not need your forgiveness- He has done nothing wrong- but you need to be released from the harsh results of the unforgiveness and bitterness you may have directed toward God. If you have unforgiveness in you heart against God, Give it up and let it go. God is your friend, not your enemy. Let faith and joy fill that place where unforgiveness once was.

You will not be disappointed with God if you wait in faith to hear from Him. Romans 10:17 teaches: “So faith comes by hearing, and what is heard comes by the preacing of Christ. ” If you want joy in your life, you have to believe that God is good and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him. Joy will fill you when you quit demanding answers to your questions about why bad things have happened to you. Trust Gods way and His timing, and remember that trust always requires some unanswered questions.

God wants to bless every person. No matter what is going on in your life right now, no matter how badly it hurts. do not blame God. You may not always understand what is happening. but God is perfect. He is good, and He is right. Fault and error are either caused by people or instigated by the devil.