It was my sophmore year of high school and I sat in my Biology class completely overwhelmed because as I looked around I knew absolutely no one, well atleast not anyone that I hung out with on a regular basis. Mr. Buckner began the ritual…roll call. Then all of a sudden, a feeling of relief, he called a name that lifted my spirits however I didn’t see him in class. Finally, he showed up and we began catching up. We had a class together our freshman year and worked together on a few projects. I finally felt comfortable, he was my refuge. We found ourselves growing closer and then it happened…Sept 22, we hooked up! We loved each other unconditionally, a love so strong nothing could tear us apart. He was my biggest fan! He never missed a practice, not to mention a game. I can remember him coming to my cheer practices and standing in for some of my teammates if they couldn’t be there that day so that we could still practice our stunts. He was always my extra back spot ensuring that if they dropped me, he would be there to catch me when I fell. He never failed me.
It wasn’t long, and it was time to meet the family. A little apprehensive, we took a deep breath and walked in the house. There he was, my dad, pretty muscular and at that time quite intimidating, I guess. My dad had a demon, alcohol, only later to be attacked by things much more harsh that would eventually lead to destruction. My mom was there for us, all five of us, me being the oldest but she worked non stop, most of the time three jobs to make ends meet because all the money my dad made, when he had a job, went to alcohol and drugs. Josh was my safe haven…always there to catch me when I would fall. Years passed by and we found ourselves surrounded by the ways of the world. Things just weren’t the same anymore and life, reality began to take over (the reality the enemy puts in our head).

We began working in places that required you to be 21, and we were only 17, so temptation was all around us. He wanted the fairytail relationship and I wasn’t the one that could give it to him. I was crushed. He was in and out of relationships and I was there to fill the gaps when one of his relationships would end, until the next one began. I was ok with that. I loved him that much. We lived this scenario for the next 5 years of our life until our precious baby girl was born and it was time to settle down for her, miserable with our self destructive life knowing it was going to end horrible. We married nine months later, September 18th and one month after our wedding date, we were looking for attorney’s to get a divorce. We were miserable. It wasn’t like the movies…a baby and a wedding didn’t fix anything. It actually made things worse because it wasn’t about us anymore, we actually had to be responsible now and think about her and her well being. We decided, again, we would try to make this thing work, even after finding out my now husband had been having an affair with my best friends sister. She accompanied him the night before our wedding while I was preparing myself for my big day, the day all little girls dream of all their life.

We found a way to get past all of this and concluded that we could do it, so there it went. We moved back in together and had our perfect little family. About a year passed by and all was well, then came surprise number two…I was pregnant. We were blessed with another beautiful little girl and life was grand. Then here came disaster. Another sneak attack by the enemy. After about 10 years, Josh’s best friend from high school popped up again. She would show up here and there, and then disappear for a year or two. She to had been dealing with some issues in her marriage, so her and Josh began to talk to each other about their marriages and problems. Next thing you know, Josh and I are seperated again, this time definately going through a divorce and he and his best friend are now talking or together, expecting a son and we have two little girls. One that is 2 and one that is 3 months. It was official…I hated him and he didn’t think to fondly of me either. A few months went by and the hurt turned into anger and an even deeper hate. We couldn’t stand to even hear each others name. Everytime he came around, I tried to have him arrested and wished they would throw away the key when they were done. My heart would break at night when my little girl would cry and beg me to go back home and I felt so helpless. My hate wasn’t hate anymore, I loathed him. The worse possible pain that could ever be inflicted upon him wouldn’t be enough to satisfy me. It was during this time, that I began going to church with my mom and step dad. I couldn’t figure all this madness out on my own, so I was going to try the “church thing” afterall, it seemed like it was working for them.

Little did I know, that day, I would be impacted by an all mighty God who forgives, saves and heals hearts that have been shattered like mine. I later found out, Josh had been attending church regularly also, although I have to say, I thought his was just for show because how could a guy like him get saved and change his wicked ways. God began dealing with me and I found myself at an alter totally surrendered to God crying my eyes out, trying to stop, but his power and spirit had completely taken control of me and all I could do was cry. I began to pour out my heart to him and pray for him to take away all the hurt and pain, but most of all the anger. I wanted to love Josh again, I mean, we did have two children together. Be careful what you ask for, because he just might answer that prayer. Little did I know, God had been dealing with Josh also. Slowly, we began to talk on the phone and could actually carry on a decent conversation strictly about the girls though. I wasn’t angry anymore. I still couldn’t bare seeing him because the pain would resurface, but it was nice that atleast we could tolerate each other for our daughters sake. I remember sitting on the couch at my moms where I was staying during this time, watching T.V until time to go back to church and someone knocked at the door. It was Josh. I was shocked. Why was he here? Is he crazy? I mean a thousand things went through my head and I opened the door and stepped out on the porch. I couldn’t say much, just looked at him I think. Then he asked me if I would go somewhere and talk to him.

I told him I couldn’t because I had to get back to church, thinking this would shew him away, but he then asked if I would meet him after church. I agreed to meet him, but had some doubt as to if it was such a good idea or not. I mean, what in the world did he want me to meet him for? Our divorce would be final the next day, all we had to do was meet with the judge and sign. What now, what could it be? I prayed about it at church that night and just asked God to give me the wisdom, guidance and knowledge that I needed to face whatever it was he wanted to talk to me about. When I got to our meeting place, Josh began to explain to me how God spoke to him and told him to fix our marriage. He began to cry and I have to admit, so did I. I found out that he had heard from God so clearly that he had already told his best friend whom he was in a relationship with and had a new born son with also that he could no longer be with her and he had to save his marriage. He told her even before he came to me to find out if I would even be willing to try again. It was at that moment, I knew that Josh wasn’t just going through the motions. He would have never burned his bridge like that before. He would have waited to see if I was going to agree and then let her know he wanted to fix his marriage. He had truly been impacted by God. After we sat and talked for hours that night, I agreed we should save our marriage and we called the divorce off the next day.

That judge thought we were nuts. About $3,500 was down the drain, NON REFUNDABLE…! I have to say, that it is pretty hard to sit and write all this and re-live the pain of all of those years, but I do it to be able to say in the end, that God can turn any situation, any mess, into a miracle. I love my husband right now today more than I have ever loved him in the past. I have a deep, sincere love and compassion for him that I cannot explain. I thank God that he gave me such an amazing man to spend the rest of my life with. Josh is our spiritual leader in our house, an amazing husband and wonderful father. We have three beautiful children, our two gorgeous girls that live with us everyday and a handsome little boy we get every other weekend. None of this could have been possible without the power of the Holy Spirit being birthed inside of us. My husband is a faithful man of God whose desire is to build the kingdom of God. He is a worship leader on our praise team and serves faithfully at our church. I am a firm believer now that I can do nothing on my own, especially in my marriage. A marriage never fails where God is in the center, for marriage will always take three!!! God Bless